My word of the year: Fuck!

Over the past ten years my partner, Tim, has been a witness (and sounding board) for my crazy ideas, dreams, pivots, challenges, accomplishments, and resilience. He recently brought to my attention that I am living the life I manifested, and while this sounds like a corny line from a Ted Talk, he is not wrong.

Ten years ago, I was a single mom working full-time to support myself and my two children. I remember my days being scheduled in 15-minute increments with zero allowance for anything to go off course. Thoughts of things going wrong, like having car trouble or getting sick, were cause for panic.

I was extremely rigid with my time and energy, at first to merely keep going and ultimately to accomplish my goals. This highly disciplined approach served me well during a period where I built myself back up after divorce, a shuttered business, and being financially insolvent with a tanked credit score, however it was not suitable for a thriving life.

Once out of crisis mode, and with the foundation I had established, I began to think about enriching my life. I didn’t know exactly what I was yearning for, but it was around this time that I began studying yoga philosophy and a journey of self-discovery ensued. Within five years I held the position of Vice President of Marketing, I was debt free, financially secure, and in a healthy loving relationship.

I continue to challenge perceptions of what it means to have a “good life” and the past year was a period of tremendous personal growth on this front. In 2023, while working at a large technology company, I was navigating my professional and personal lives without a congruence of values. I stayed too long at a job because of the perceived value and this wreaked havoc on my nervous system because I wasn’t living in my integrity – a tough reality with life altering effects.

A year ago, my first thought each morning was: Fuck. I can’t believe I have to get up and do what I have to do today.

After an intense year of personal work, I’ve experienced a complete turn-around. Now, my first thought of the day is: Fuck! I can’t wait to get up and do what I get to do today! 

Here’s what I get to do each day –

Wake up when I feel rested.

Coffee ritual and quiet time.

A brisk walk with my dog Zeus.

Check in with friends and family.

Work or write.

Cook a healthy meal.

Short walk.

Work or write.

Read, meditate, or quiet time.

Gym, yoga or hike.

Dinner and social time.

Prepare for deep sleep.

There are moments I find myself thinking my life is pretty awesome, but then, I begin to question if it is realistic and can be sustained. As if what I am doing now is temporary – a gap until what’s next kicks in – and I must return to being a cog in society’s wheel of perceived success. Then Tim’s comment about living the life I manifested wakes me up to a new reality:

This is what’s next and it’s the quality of life I envisioned and intentionally created.

The shift to this current state can’t be attributed to a single thing, but rather my desire to feel deeply connected to what matters most to me. The difference is how I view myself and Maya (the illusion) of the material world. Simply put, I no longer negotiate or live outside my terms and values: I am driven by creating, sustaining and enjoying a quality of life where what matters most to me gets my time and energy.

I have been working toward achieving this vision for over ten years and it continues to be my North Star. The well-being framework I use to ensure alignment and progress is:

1. Feel good physically and have a positive outlook on life.
2. Foster meaningful friendships.
3. Be energized by work.
4. Manage my money well.
5. Feel a sense of community belonging.

My journey to a more fulfilling and meaningful life flows through peaks and valleys. There are moments of joy and revelation intertwined with challenges and disappointments, but I know I am on the correct path because there is a grounded undercurrent that feels peaceful in my soul. Plus, there is this evidence:

Physically, mentally, and spiritually I feel stronger than ever.

I have supportive and loving friends and family.

For work I am writing and advising a wellness technology start-up.

I am financially secure with a solid plan for retirement.

For the past 18 months I have had the privilege of traveling internationally and living throughout the western U.S. and this summer I will return home to Seattle.

Each of us can create a quality of life that aligns with what matters most to us. It starts with a vision and by living in your integrity. The path towards your version of a well-lived life may be rocky, but a sense of peace will guide you.

Just begin.